“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions." — Brené Brown
Toxic positivity is the act of avoiding, suppressing, or rejecting negative emotions or experiences. Here's what's fascinating about toxic positivity though. While verbs like "avoiding," "suppressing," and "rejecting" sound overtly negative, acts toxic positivity are cloaked in — you guessed it — positivity.
Good vibes only! Everything happens for a reason! You can choose to be happy! On the surface, these sentiments sound well-intentioned and, well ... positive.
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Good vibes are a good thing. Contextualizing circumstances as part of a greater narrative can offer a new perspective. We do have points in our lives where we need to make the conscious choice to pick ourselves up emotionally and move forward with the mindset of a victor rather than a victim.
However, there is a distinct line between possessing a growth mindset that is healthy and creates space for processing your emotions, and demonizing your emotions (positive and negative) as signs of inherent weakness or irrationality. Unfortunately, this line is becoming more blurry in personal growth, as well as entrepreneurial circles.
⚡ Go Deeper: How to Set Healthy Expectations that Cultivate Growth, Confidence, + Self-Trust
And that's where our conversation begins.
In this episode, George and I explore the aggressive push for emotional productivity and the insidious attractiveness of toxic positivity. Our conversation highlights the importance of acknowledging and honoring all emotions, as well as the need for empathy and understanding in supporting others. We also get real about our own struggles with toxic positivity — both as recipients and givers of toxically positive advice.
Questions We Discuss
- Why is it so important to talk about toxic positivity in the context of personal and professional development?
- What are our personal experiences with toxic positivity?
- Why is there such an aggressive "push" to be 100% productive about our emotions all the time?
- How does toxic positivity manifest in spirituality?
- Where is the line being between toxic positivity, and genuine optimism and adopting a victor mentality?
- Why is it important for us to honor our feelings and emotions?
- How do these challenges manifest in how men and women are expected to handle/suppress their emotions at opposing extremes?
- How would you suggest folks respond to someone if they find themselves in t
- What is possible when we allow ourselves to experience our true feelings and emotions?
Toxic Positivity Resources
- What is toxic positivity and why is it so harmful? (ADAA)
- Toxic positivity at work (Science of People)
- How to handle toxic positivity at work (The Muse)
- A warning for leaders, don't confuse optimism and toxic positivity (Forbes)
- The toll toxic positivity takes on educators (NEA)
- Growth mindset vs. toxic positivity (Elizabeth Gardiner)
- Don't push away your negative emotions (The Atlantic)
Toxic Positivity vs. Genuine Optimism
Quotes About Emotions
"Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you." — Roger Ebert
“Your emotions make you human. Even the unpleasant ones have a purpose. Don't lock them away. If you ignore them, they just get louder and angrier.” ― Sabaa Tahir
“So often we're not allowed to feel upset--even for a minute--without the world rushing us to do something about it. But why can't I feel upset?” ― Allyson Dinneen
"Avoiding negative emotions is like trying to hide in the darkness; face them, and you'll find the light."
— Anita Moorjani
“Hope confronts. It does not ignore pain, agony, or injustice. It is not a saccharine optimism that refuses to see, face, or grapple with the wretchedness of reality. You can't have hope without despair, because hope is a response. Hope is the active conviction that despair will never have the last word.” — Cory Booker
“Contrary to popular belief, there are no negative emotions. There are only emotions that are harder to experience or that cause more distress for certain people. And the more you suppress those emotions, the harder they are to manage.” — Whitney Goodman
Related BYD Episodes
- Adopting an Owner's Mentality in Your Own Life
- Fact vs. Fiction: What Is a Growth Mindset, Really?
- Victim vs. Victor Mentality: Knowing + Living the Difference
- How to Set Healthy Expectations that Cultivate Growth, Confidence, + Self-Trust
- The Power of Language: Choosing Your Words to Shape Your Destiny
- Unwrapping Holiday Fatigue, New Year's Blues, + Seasonal Funk
